I usually consider myself a laid back person. Happy more often than not. Generally pretty relaxed. Good at choosing my battles.
But having a baby has changed that.
I've become short tempered. Irritated by small things. Moody and impatient.
And although I am quick to point out I'd never, ever take this anger out on my Baby, my poor Husband hadn't been faring so well.
I couldn't really explain my rage. I hadn't been able to talk myself out of it. Ignoring it wasn't making it go away either. Blaming lack of sleep was only getting me so far.
So I finally made time to read the book, Buddhism for Mothers- A Calm Approach to Caring for Yourself and Your Children by Sarah Napthali, which I had purchased when I first discovered I was pregnant.
I'm so glad I did!
It has been the first book that I have read from start to finish since having Bay.
It is a truly lovely read, there is a lot of wisdom contained within its pages. Napthali's writing is concise and potent.
The first section I opened up happened to be on Anger, so it had me from page 1.. It then went on to discuss a range of topics such Worry, Finding Calm, Your Relationship With Your Partner and Losing Your Self Image, amongst other issues, all of which are very relevant to the modern Mother.
Napthali is refreshingly honest about the drudgery, loneliness and self doubt that so many of us experience alongside the well documented joys. Her perspective is gentle, practical and non-preachy. There is no hard sell with regards to Buddhism.. it simply offers a different way of integrating more kindness and calm into your daily life.
I enjoyed reading it slowly, just a few pages at a time and allowing it all to sink in. It is a book I will read over and over again.. and I suspect each time I will get something new out of it.
I found this comment particularly memorable:
"Motherhood makes your life twice as bad and twice as good"
It was a relief to read that, because it resonates with my experience so far.
The book contained other home truths, such as "many of us feel outraged at the level of self-sacrifice required of mothers" and "We often see anger as protection against being exploited", which have not only helped explain my anger but eased my guilt about it.
Simple advice such as "our mode of speech is contagious" and "ensure you speak to the right person- sometimes this is yourself" help me deal with my negative feelings in a more helpful way.
The book is full of gems that will benefit all my relationships.. not just with my child, but with my husband, with my friends and also make me happier about life in general... without having to run off to a tibeten monastary or fast under a tree!
This is definitely a book I would consider a wonderful gift for friends having a baby, as I think it has something to offer everybody, regardless of your spiritual leanings.